Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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