i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
ok first of all what the fuck
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
