ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
