She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
