I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
