I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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