vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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