is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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