so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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