I think my vagina is haunted
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
