Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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