Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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