my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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