He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
