Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
