Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
