i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
