At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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