I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
