I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
