And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
