Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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