Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
