Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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