would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
