with your own penis?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
