What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
