mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
