Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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