why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
