I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I forget how to act sober
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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