this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
