I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
