i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
