i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
