My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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