i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sarcasm needs its own font
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
