And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Text me some of your sweat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
