do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
