I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
