thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
