I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
