also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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