He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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