and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
