i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
