Umm I'm too high to move.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
