he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He called his prostate his "boner button".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
