Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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