oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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