I will die if light touches me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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