matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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