just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
