my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
