nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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