Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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